The Pause Before the Burnout

Turning off the noise and notifications, and changing plans to protect my energy.

I decided to work from bed this morning. I needed this.

It all feels like a lot right now, doesn’t it? I celebrated my little girl turning 7 while the bodies of a cabin full of little girls around her age are being recovered after a flood at summer camp. Then there’s everything happening politically. Families being ripped apart. And with constant access to social media and the news, we’re tuned in, our hearts breaking over and over again.

I have it really good. We have everything we need, I live in a blue state, my kids are healthy (I know how awful it is when they’re not, so I am beyond grateful for that), and I get to work for myself from home. I don’t have a boss or business partner breathing down my neck. I can shift my hours and spend time with my kids. Sure, I work too late, but I get to do what I want to do. And yes, I have deadlines, but I’m in control of them.

But, as much as all of those things are good, I think about wellness and self-care, and I don’t practice it in a way that’s actually good for me. I spend too much time on my phone, whether it’s posting, replying to messages, or getting stuck scrolling. I was so good about not scrolling earlier this year, and fell back into the trap. I’m committed to posting and signing off, and just turned off story replies which I hope helps preserve my time and energy. I’ll be messaging here instead.

I thought I was preserving my time and energy by not throwing a birthday parties for the girls. I took each one downtown for a day, which was so fun. But then I planned 13 hours of playdates. I did this to myself, and I don’t regret it — it was so special having that 1:1 time with each of them, and they were so happy to have those playdates. It’s just been nonstop.

We aren’t doing summer camp so the girls are home all summer with some plans and activities (piano, tennis, swim etc), and it’s loud and more hands-on than the school year, which I signed up for. After not having regular childcare for the first half of the year, we have a new au pair!

The last few weeks, I took the girls to California (and spent 2 days at Disneyland), celebrated both of their birthdays, the 4th, redid our garage, and am trying to squeeze in some work and keeping up with our house.

There’s a lot of good in there (and tons of privilege). This isn’t a complaint — I’m just really tired as so many of us are and need to preserve some energy, and not feel overbooked.

Last night, I pulled up my calendar for the week and I started to feel anxious. I was planning to go downtown to shoot a partnership at the beach today, and didn’t have it in me. I have another partnership due tomorrow that I have to finish. And by finish I mean start. 🤪 I just needed a day to work and catch up on a mountain of laundry. But there wasn’t another day we could shoot, and the anxiety hit. So I messaged my friend and asked to reschedule plans with our kids so I could do my shoot another day.

So here’s what I do when I feel anxious and need to slow down.

Cancel plans. It’s ok to reschedule and give yourself a day off, so I canceled my plans with my friend and her kids. I needed to see a day in my calendar with nothing on it. I cancel anything that doesn’t feel good. So tonight, I’m still hosting mahjong because I really want to do that. It will be good for me. I’m not canceling dinner with friends Thursday because I know how much I need that time with friends (and without my kids).

Get offline. I just turned off replies to my IG stories, which I realize is very specific to me and what I do. Setting limits or (even better) deleting IG, is a great way to preserve your mental health. If you can’t get rid of it, set some boundaries for yourself.

Turn off alerts and notifications. I have never gotten IG alerts, but one of the best things I ever did was turn off text alerts from going to my computer. It helps me focus. I also don’t immediately reply to texts — we do not owe immediate replies to anyone.

Say no to plans for the upcoming weeks. Move things around. Sometimes, you need to not add more to your calendar when you’re already overwhelmed.

Move my body. I have not worked out beyond a long walk with a friend this calendar year, so I’m going to my first workout tomorrow. I need this.

Drink water and eat nutrient-dense food. I am admittedly terrible about drinking water when I’m stressed out, so I am sitting her with my big tumbler and forcing myself to stay on it.

Sit still. Getting in a workout is great, but when you have ADHD and work and three kids, one minute you’re answering email and the next you’re throwing in a load of laundry, ordering groceries, or organizing your garage. Or maybe that’s just motherhood? I don’t know. But sometimes, you just need to stop and focus on one thing at a time, which can be so hard.