Taking Control When Things Feel Out of Control

Organizing, exhaustion, habits, and ADHD

Over the past year, my ADHD has been more intense than I can remember. Yesterday, I started writing this post, only to find myself constantly sidetracked. I’d move from room to room, tackle one task, then get lost in something else—losing my phone multiple times in the process.

I am also completely exhausted.

My sweet third baby, who’s been the dream sleeper since he was 3.5 months old, is having what I can only assume is his first sleep regression at 20 months. What used to be a simple, 10-minute bedtime routine has now turned into an hour or more of rocking him to sleep because he refuses to go down awake. My oldest didn’t sleep through the night for years, so I know this is a phase, but it feels awful. I love a good snuggle, but spending over an hour trying to get my toddler to sleep and dealing with midnight wake-ups is not a fun time.

All I want for Christmas is a toddler who sleeps through the night. Bonus points if he starts sleeping again when we’re in Mexico.

This is parenthood. Just when you think you’ve got everything figured out, the ground shifts beneath you. More often than not, those shifts are for the better. I love my kids more with every passing year, and honestly, it’s felt like things are becoming easier and more fun as they get older.

So, what did I do yesterday?

I started the day with (virtual) therapy, which was exactly what I needed. I’ll share more on that below for my paid subscribers.

Knowing I was too tired to tackle the actual work I had on my plate—my last partnership of the year, blog posts, SEO tasks—I decided to focus on something I could handle in my exhausted state: decluttering. The dresser in our bedroom had to be emptied out so my mother-in-law could take it, and it had become a sort of “Monica’s closet,” where everything without a home ended up. I went through it, purging what I could, and found a new home for everything in the secretary in our living room and the dresser in our family room. It feels so much better now. I now have a drawer for all my tripods and camera gear, another for cords and emergency supplies, and yet another for papers and picture-hanging stuff. Everything finally has a place.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been unable to find of my four tripods because I’ve put them in random spots. It’s bad. But I’m making an effort to stop throwing random papers and cords into drawers. Maybe, just maybe, I can start taking control of the chaos. I don’t know what the answer is, but I’d like to dig deeper into this in the coming year.

It didn’t stop there.

After almost 2 months of living for weeks with tarps, plastic, and paper covering the hallway and the girls' room, I asked Conor if we could finally remove everything now that the worst of the work was done. He gave me the green light, and I tore off all the paper and tape from the floors, threw it over the stairs to toss into the dumpster. I wish I had taken a photo of the chaos, but chances are, I couldn’t find my phone in all the clutter.

We’ll still need tarps when workers are in and out, but I couldn’t take the mess anymore. And the girls need to start sleeping in their room again.

I don’t know if “taking control” of all of this is a thing, but here’s what I do know. My husband is not the one cramming things into random drawers. It’s me – the one who organizes the house – who’s the problem.

Does anyone relate to this?

Maybe I’m just craving some order in the chaos. But I’m ready to figure it out in the new year.